Growing up, did you ever misplace something, spend hours searching for it, then when you finally asked your Mom if she’d seen it she knew exactly where it was? I feel like my Mom always just knew where things were.

Oh, that Tamagatchi you haven’t played with since before 9/11? She knew it’s exact location and approximate battery life.

Things I thought we’d thrown out decades ago she somehow knew the placement of. She always gave me two options, too – “it’s either in the cupboard above the stove or at the top of your closet next to the teddy bear” – and one of them was always the right spot.

Last night, after deciding I wanted to carve our pumpkins, I spent a solid 30 minutes searching for our carving kit. After no luck I even roped my Dad into it with both of us running around checking every crevice of our house. Once I admitted defeat I realized that if my Mom were here she’d know exactly where the kit was. It was my first real experience of really needing her for something – even something as dumb as a pumpkin carving kit – and not having her there.

I’m sure I’ll have millions more of these moments but the first one seemed to really stick out to me. My Mom always knew where things were – was that a maternal trait she’d picked up or something she was born with? This episode made me think a lot about how without her I’m forced to find all my own missing carving kits and Tamagatchis… and with that I realized a pattern. Her own mother died when she was fairly young (my Mom was in her 30’s) so perhaps this all-knowing trait has something to do with losing that person that’s always looking out for you, forcing you to look out for yourself. Either way, I’d like to think my Mom was screaming at me from wherever she is, “IT’S RIGHT THERE!” as I searched all over for that lost carving kit. Happy Halloween, mama.